The Table of Condiments That Periodically Go Bad 1 My Mayonnaise 3m 2 S Salt ∞ 3 H Hollandaise 1d 4 B Butter 1.5m 5 Mw Miracle Whip 3m 6 Hu Hummus 1w 7 Od Onion Dip 2w 8 Tt Tartar Sauce 3m 9 V Vinegar 3-5y 10 M Mustard 6-8m 11 K Ketchup 5m 12 P Pepper 4y 13 Be Bernaise 2d 14 Ga Garlic Sauce 1d 15 Cc Cream Cheese 2w 16 Ti Tahini Sauce 1m 17 Bl Bleu Cheese 2m 18 R Ranch 2m 19 Pb Peanut Butter 4m 20 Lx Lox 2w 21 Pi Pickles 6m 22 Po Pearl Onion 8m 23 Cr Croutons 2m 24 Cs Cocktail Sauce 6-8m 25 Fi Fish Sauce 5m 26 Ym Yellow Mustard 6-8m 27 Ci Chili Sauce 6-8m 28 Sg Sugar 2y 29 Gc Guacamole 2d 30 Ws White Sauce 2d 31 Sc Sour Cream 3w 32 Th Special Sauce 2m 32A Th 1,000 Island 2m 33 Ma Marmalade 2m 34 V Vegemite 2m 35 Sy Syrup 8m 36 Re Relish 6m 37 Go Green Olive 9m 38 Ln Lemon 2m 39 Gs Green Salsa 2m 40 Sw Sweet-n-Sour 4-5m 41 Gm Germ. Mustard 6-8m 42 Ss Steak Sauce 1y 43 Nu Aspartame ∞ 44 G Gravy 3d 45 Ch Cheese Sauce 1w 46 Wc Whipped Cream 2w 47 Vg Vinaigrette 2m 48 F French 2m 49 J Jelly 4-5m 50 Nt Nutella 4m 51 Fu Fudge Sauce 6-8m 52 Hr Horseradish 6-8m 53 Jñ Jalapeño 6m 54 Oo Olive Oil 6m 55 Rs Red Sauce 2m 56 Sf Stir-Fry Sauce 8m 57 Dj Dijonnaise 6-8m 58 Ts Taco Sauce 2y 59 Xx Saccharin ∞ 60 Au Au Jus 3d 61 Cz Cheese Whiz ∞ 62 Mg Margarine 6m 63 Ch Chutney 5m 64 Hm Honey Mustard 2m 65 H Honey 8m 66 Pe Peanut Sauce 8m 67 Cp Choc. Syrup 6-8m 68 Bo Baco Bits ∞ 69 Pm Pimento 9m 70 Ds Duck Sauce 4-5m 71 Wu Worcestershire 1y 72 So Soy Sauce 1y 73 Bq BBQ Sauce 6-8m 74 Ta Tabasco 2-5y 75 X Maraschino ∞

We stole this page from Dryfoos who stole if from F.N.O.R.D who may have stolen it from somewhere else. I put it into 21st century HTML/CSS, fixed a few typos and changed the periods to look more like orbital information, i.e. d=day, w=week, y=year. The credits below are from Dryfoos' page.

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A page that identifies itself as "The strange and true story of The Periodic Table of Condiments"

The original version of this table (which I have shamelessly copied, colorized, and make no intellectual property claims upon) has the following attribution:

"This invaluable scientific tool brought to you by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day."